Alone Is Not Lonely

It’s a lot of men and women who fear being alone.

Most times, if not all the time, it’s because they aren’t comfortable with themselves. Because they aren’t comfortable with themselves, they don’t spend time alone with themselves and then, they end up getting with the wrong person because they aren’t whole. 

This fear of aloneness is because people are really lonely, not because they are alone. 

The bible tells us in Genesis that Adam was alone. But he was so whole and complete within himself, he didn’t even know he needed community and connection. He was so into his purpose that he wasn’t aware that he needed somebody. It was God, not Adam, that recognized that there was a need for some company and companionship. 

So this tells us that aloneness is not loneliness. Adam wasn’t lonely. He didn’t go to God and say, “God I need a woman.” Adam was chilling. He was good! He was busy with God’s business, he was busy fulfilling his purpose as God instructed and directed. Loneliness then is really more of a purpose problem, not a people problem. 

Since God made Adam in His likeness, that means God Himself was alone too, but He wasn’t lonely!

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.

Being alone is being complete and whole. 

You may ask, why did God create man if He wasn’t alone or why did God create Eve if Adam wasn’t lonely? Well it was for love, not loneliness. Love can’t love alone. In order for love to manifest and be expressed, it needs one to give and one to receive. 

Some signs of aloneness are:

1. You are comfortable with yourself

2. You aren’t looking and longing for someone else to make you whole.

How well you keep company with yourself will show you how whole you are.

Some signs that you are lonely are:

1. You can’t be in complete silence and/or solitude. The tv or radio has almost always has to be on or you always have to be surrounded with people.

2. You look for outside externals to fill the internal emptiness. Meaning you look to something or somebody outside of yourself.

Lonely people don’t like themselves and have to live their lives through other people. 

So ask yourself, am I alone or am I lonely? 

Now, a feeling of loneliness may try to rise up because it’s human nature. But, please know that feelings are fickle, they will come and go. Having feelings isn’t wrong. What’s wrong is when you are led by them.

You don’t wanna follow something that’s fickle.

The bible tells us to be steadfast and unmovable. Don’t be moved by a feeling, be moved by faith. Faith in who God is and faith in God’s word. 

The thing is, we all were born empty but Paul prays in Ephesians 3:19 KJV, “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

This is what being alone is all about…being complete and full of God. Adam was complete and so consumed by God that loneliness had no place in his life. This is how we have to be, so alone and attentive to God that we are not even aware that we are alone. 

When you don’t have a clear understanding of who you are or if you are too guarded to make close friends, you open the door for loneliness.

Loneliness leads to wrong relationships.

It did for me, so let me help you. I thought being in a relationship would fill my inner void, I was led by loneliness and it led me into a wrong relationship, making the void even bigger. Like the prodigal son, I had to come to myself. I had to come to be alone, becoming whole and full of God, not myself. 

This was a game changer for me and it will change the game for you too. Don’t get into wrong dating relationships because you feel that person can fill the emptiness in you.

Only God can do that!

If you find yourself in loneliness, first and foremost seek God. Jesus tells us when we seek God, His kingdom and His righteousness, other things will be added to us. As you seek God and immerse yourself into Him and your purpose, people will be added unto you, including a mate. 

God will connect you to others who are alone, and not empty. You will make friends and you will begin having wholesome relationships.

You will meet your partner in the process. 

We weren't born to be in a dating relationship or to be married. There’s no where in the bible that says “thus saith God, thou shalt marry.” However, we were born to be alone. Adam was born whole. When he sinned, the wholeness was broken, but thank God for Jesus. Through redemption, humanity was given the ability to be restored back to that place of wholeness. 

Being alone is not lonely!