As like any other area in our lives, we desire success when it comes to a love relationship and ultimately, marriage. But in order to get a certain result, you have to make certain choices. There's a false belief system that dating is for trial and error. That's simply not true.
God does not want anyone to spend their life in trial and error.
He has your best interest in mind. In 2 Peter 1:3, the Bible says that God has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness. God has given us standards for healthy living and that includes dating.
If you don’t know what they are, study His standards for marriage. The standards for marriage are the same as the standards for dating. God doesn't change and if He doesn't change that means His principles don’t either. What happens is, people try to make His standards fit their situation. But God doesn't conform to us, we have to convert unto Him.
The purpose of dating is to become intimately one with each other, not physically but spiritually. Dating is a time of growing a friend, not a lover or sex partner. It's where you focus on the spiritual, not the physical.
If there’s no agreement at the spiritual level, there will be problems in other areas.
At the spiritual level, you should be able to have spiritual conversation. What I mean by this is being able to discuss where you are in your relationship with God and the other person does the same. It’s where you both can discuss God’s dealings and directions for your life. You discuss your salvation and commitment to living for Christ.
This is one of the areas that tripped me up a few times because I met a few guys who said they were saved and was about God and committed to going to church. But as time went on, I found out that they weren't committed to Christ. It’s one thing to be committed to church and it’s another thing to be committed to Christ.
When you are committed to Christ, there will be some conversion.
Many people will confess salvation but there’s no conversion. They are still living like the world, talking like the world, believing like the world, and acting like the world.
So make sho the person of interest is “for real” saved. As a believer, your number one goal should be to conform into the image of Christ. As a person conforms, there will be some evidence of conversion. And you know by how they talk. The bible says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. You can tell a person’s way by what they say.
So if the person you are pursuing can’t communicate on a spiritual level, conversation is done! You know how they say, “one and done?” This is one of those situations. If we can’t talk at the spiritual level, ain’t no need for us to try at the intellectual level.
When it comes to dating, there are only two choices: You will either choose to date deliberately or by default.
How do you date by deliberate choice? Good question! You are deliberate by setting and sticking to your standards without compromise. Your standards should be God's standards. If you don't know God's standards, look to the scriptures. The scriptures are His standards.
Just like we plan for success in other areas, so it is for dating. You must plan for success in your dating life, otherwise, it won’t happen captain. Success hardly ever happens by osmosis, there must be a plan. Without planning and without wisdom there will be failure. After that, you must then follow God in order for the plans to succeed.
Proverbs 19:21 KJV says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
You must be deliberate by planning and pursuing God for the execution of those plans.
When you don’t deliberately date according to God’s standards, you will default to the world’s standards. That is what makes finding a life partner a deliberate choice in its truest form. Out of all the people you know, out of all the friendships you develop, out of all the approved “possible people” before you, you deliberately choose one person with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life.
This is not a hit-and-miss, haphazard, head-in-the-clouds type of choice. It’s a deliberate, sober, “I know that I know,” decision. It is reaching the place where you approach another person and say with deliberate confidence, “I choose you!”
Ladies and Fellas, don’t date by default, be deliberate!
