We are back to foundation again, but it's concerning a dating relationship. In another episode, we talked about the foundation in regards to the human family structure. This foundation is in regards to an actual dating relationship itself.
Everything has to have a foundation in order for it to stand.
Storms are gonna come and without a sure, solid foundation, whatever you are building is guaranteed to fall. Jesus taught this principle in Matthew chapter 7.
The strongest relationship of all is friendship.
Well, I should say true friendship. In today’s world, friendship is motivated by manipulation. That is not true friendship. True friendship is from God and it is based on love. The only way to know love is to know God. Love is not something God does, its the very essence of His being. He is love. So this tells us that without true love, there is no true friendship. Sad, but true!
The bible teaches us in Proverbs 18:24, to be a friend you must show yourself friendly. The sad thing is a lot of people don't know how to build wholesome friendships. I may one day do some Relationality talk on friendship because I have had learnable experiences in that as well.
People talk it, but they don’t walk it.
Because of the sin nature, people don’t know how to friend and be relational. They don’t have relationality. The bible says we were all born into sin. The sin nature has made us self-centered. You can't have a healthy relationship being selfish.
A solid principle to friendship is taking the focus off yourself.
Our friend, Jesus, who sticks closer than a brother, practiced this principle all the time. If you study His earthly ministry, He never talked about Himself. His focus was always on the other person. The bible says He was moved with compassion. His compassion was His care for others.
Friendship is the foundation to having a successful dating relationship and marriage. It's also the greatest value and purpose of dating.
You should build your romantic relationship on friendship, not physical attraction.
The main purpose for friendship is character development because you can't develop in yourself. This is what makes building friendship a challenge for many because you have to put in the work. People want comfort and don’t wanna change. There are four stages of friendship. As you know, development takes time. It’s not an overnight thing. Each stage has rules and responsibilities.
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Contact friendship - these are people that you’ve come in contact with and have knowledge of but you don’t know that well. They are acquaintances, they can be co-workers. We all should have people on this stage where we intentionally get acquainted with people we meet. This is where you and the person have occasional contact and general conversation. You talk about general stuff like the weather, working out, sports and so on.
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Casual friendship - this stage is more personal where you and the person are connected based on common interests. There’s no emotional attachment at this stage, the people at this level are drawn close by their commonalities. Yall may kick it and hang out and chill more frequently than those at the contact level.
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Circle friendship - this is your inner circle. These are the people with whom you share common life goals, values and beliefs. At this level of friendship, there’s fellowship where you and your circle of friends are flowing in the same direction. It’s also a stage where there’s freedom of speech. Meaning you can recommend or reprimand certain things because the friendship is on a deeper level and yall are committed to each other's success. This is the stage where 2 people will start looking at each other as potential life partners.
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Core friendship - this is the highest level of friendship. At this level there’s intimacy. Now let me say this. I’m not talking about sex. Intimacy is not sexual activity. That’s another message for another time. This is where two people walk together in oneness of spirit and work together on shared interests. The closeness is deeper because they share the same vision, goals and interests. Yall are committed to each other's character and character development.
These stages are important to know so you can compartmentalize your connections correctly, and it's a healthy practice for a healthy dating relationship.
The model in today’ society is to jump straight from contact to core.
No wonder people’s dating life is defective. Even Jesus had friendships on these different levels of friendship. And so should you!
True friendship is the true foundation of a successful dating relationship, that will lead to a successful marriage because you would have married your best friend and not just a lover.
