When I think of the word, homework, I immediately think of school. Before embarking on something in life, I think most people typically do their homework depending on what it is. But it seems as though it’s not something that’s thought of when it comes to relationships.
When it comes to relationships, there’s initially a lot of excitement. Especially in the beginning. But you never want to just jump in a relationship based on excitement.
You want to do some home “heart” work.
Let me explain.
One definition for homework, according to the Cambridge English Dictionary, is to study a subject or situation carefully so that you know a lot about it and can deal with it successfully.
In more similar terms, homework is to research something before you make a move so you can handle the situation with care. Its common to research things like making a big purchase or researching a particular area you may be thinking about moving to, or researching a market that you are thinking about serving. Research seems to be common when it comes to certain areas of life.
For whatever reason the research principle is lost when it comes to relationships.
The bible tells us to examine ourselves. In other words, God is saying do some soul searching and research yourself. You know that saying, “check yourself before you wreck yourself!”
True statement.
Many people spend their time examining others but fail to examine themselves. God speaks to this issue too. Jesus says in Matthew 7:3-5 AMP, 3 Why do you look at the [insignificant] speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice and acknowledge the [egregious] log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me get the speck out of your eye,’ when there is a log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite (play-actor, pretender), first get the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
This is a big deal when it comes to relationships because people fault-find in others while ignoring their own faults, which probably contributed to the fuss or problem that arises in their relationship. But if all parties did their own home “heart” work, conflict would be so much easier to resolve.
But pointing the finger just makes things worse.
Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 11:31 that if we judge ourselves, there's no need to be judged. Your heart is the home of your being. It's the center of your soul. It's the very core of your being.
Before you invite someone into your heart, you should make sure you do your home "heart" work.
Do some research. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
After searching yourself, then you should ask God to do some research on you like David did in Psalms 139:23-24 KJV. He said, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Jeremiah 17:9 KJV says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9”
Your inner man is the hidden person of the heart according to 1 Peter 3:4.
Your heart is the central essence with which God is primarily concerned and you should be too!
Your heart is the center and source of belief and faith. Now this is not talking about your pumping heart, it’s your spirit. Your innermost being. This is the place that God searches and tries.
God shares this with us in 1 Samuel 16:7. God told Samuel about a new king he had recruited. Well when Samuel showed up to anoint the new king, he kept missing it because he was looking at the outer appearance. Out of the eight candidates, it was the one least expected that God had chosen. But God knew what was within the heart while Samuel was choosing based on outer appearance.
God had to check Samuel and let Him know that His selection is based on what’s within.
God’s choice is based on heart work, not the outside stuff.
Only God knows the heart. There are things in us that only God knows are there. You will be surprised by the stuff that’s hidden deep within your heart. Things that are buried from childhood or adulthood traumas. Many times we suppress things instead of expressing them and those things take root.
I remember asking the Lord the question about a few bad dating experiences. I thought He was going to point out things in the other people. Ha! Nope! He checked me. He showed me myself. He showed me that I was bitter. It was deep, too because it was things that had happened in my childhood that made me angry that I never shared with anyone except God.
He shined the light on things that were rooted within myself that I didn’t even know were there. It wasn’t until I began to confront myself and do the home “heart” work that I saw change.
The Holy Spirit is our illuminator.
Not only does He illuminate who God is, but who we are. I mentioned the scripture in Jeremiah that tells us that the heart is deceitful. We deceive ourselves and think we are okay, so we need God to search us.
One of my prayers every day is, “Holy Spirit, reveal me to me!” I don’t want any blockages within my heart. The reason you want things brought to the surface because you can't change what you won't confront. You want any issues in your tissue to be confronted so change can come.
Now, God won’t bring everything up all at one time. But whatever He does show you, do what’s necessary. Also too, let me say this. Just because God shows you something about yourself, that doesn’t excuse or approve what others may have said or done to you. Sometimes I think people fear self-examines because they think that lets the other person off the hook. No, that’s not the case.
It’s just a matter of getting yourself healthy so that you can be healthy for the other person you desire to relate to.
Besides, we are accountable for ourselves. God is not going to talk to you about me or anyone else. But He will talk to you about you and that’s not based on whether you were wronged or not.
God is personal and He is not a gossiper.
Last but not least, you should research the heart of the one you are considering to date. Is their heart in the right place? A lot of times people search for perfection, but purity is what you want. You want someone whose motives are pure.
If their motives are pure, they will be willing to be perfected.
You may be asking how do I search someone’s heart? The bible says in Matthew 12:34 AMP, “For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.”
One way you search their hearts is by listening to what they say. Another way is by watching what they spend their money on. The bible says in Matthew 6:21 AMP, “for where your treasure is, there your heart [your wishes, your desires; that on which your life centers] will be also.”
You are probably thinking, Gwen, what does all of this have to do with dating? Why is this relative to dating?
It has a lot to do with dating because the hard truth is, you attract what you are.
If you are broken and bruised, that is what you will attract.
Brokenness attracts brokenness which will result in a broken relationship.
If you want to attract health, then you have to do some home “heart” work to become healthy.
