James 1:19 says,
“Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]”
Growing up, we were taught to talk but not to listen. Listening is part of the art of communication. Having healthy communication in a dating relationship will require good listening skills. To listen, according to Oxford Lexico dictionary, means to take notice of and act on what someone says; respond to advice or a request. People go to seminars and classes on being a great communicator but not a great listener.
You must know how to listen.
First and foremost you have to lean in to listen to God. In Proverbs 4 we are instructed to attend to God’s words and to incline our ears unto God’s speaking. Adam knew what to do because He heard God’s voice (Gen 2:8-16).
We cannot live without God’s voice.
I started dating a guy who had a desire to marry me ,and my thoughts was maybe. I went to God for His thoughts. I asked God what did He think about it? When you seek God, that’s really what you’re doing. You are asking Him His thoughts concerning a specific matter. The Bible is God’s general thoughts to us but then there are specific thoughts He has concerning the specifics in our lives.
A couple of days later, I was minding my business and God spoke to me and He said “he’s too far behind and you don’t have time to wait for him to catch up.” I knew exactly what God was talking about. I didn’t have time to wait for the person to grow up spiritually, so I had to shut down the dating. Now that was God’s Word to me. God may have a different Word for you.
The point is that we were created to be governed by God’s voice.
Listening is a principle Jesus taught when He taught the parable of the Good Shepherd in John chapter 10. He said my sheep know my voice but a stranger they won’t follow. Notice Jesus didn’t say my sheep know scripture. He didn’t say my sheep know their Pastor or my sheep know what they learned in seminary or in a seminar. No, He said my sheep…they know my voice.
It’s possible to know scripture and still not know God’s voice. Quoting scriptures is cool, and it’s cute. But you need to know God’s voice. Luke 8:18 tells us to be careful how we hear. See we can hear the same message but still get a different message.
When you hear the right way, you can do the right thing.
You be surprised or maybe you wouldn’t of the people who know how to talk and don’t know how to listen. The art of communication is more listening than it is talking.
I can say something that means one thing but you can take it for what you think it means instead of taking the extra step to say, "what do you mean by that? When I’m communicating, I will take the extra step and ask that extra question so I’m clear I know what the person means before I respond. Instead of jumping the gun on what I think they mean and the conversation has to go side-ways all around the corner to get to the point they was trying to make 20 minutes ago.
Me personally, I be busy and I don’t have time to go all around the world for one point. If the journey is 11 days, lets get there in 10. I’m that type of person.
Listening is our lifeline, spiritually and relationally.
The most predominant voice you listen to is the one that is defining your lifestyle.
Listening to God is essential to walking with God and it is essential to walking with the person in a love relationship. There will be strange voices speaking about your relationship and you can’t follow strange voices. You have to learn the voice of the person you are in a relationship with so you can respond accordingly.
A lot of confusion in relationships stem from bad communication. Because what you heard is not what I said. Understanding involves not only hearing what was said, but also interpreting what was said according to the speaker's intention.
If I speak something to you and you speak back to me, confirming with me that what you heard and understood me to say is what I really meant, then true communication has taken place.
How do I lean in and listen?
One way is to take the time and ask “what do you mean by that? To make sure you comprehend what is being communicated. When I was working in the salon, one of the things I did with my clients when I consulted with them was that I asked a lot of questions. This was so I could comprehend what they communicated. What they envisioned had to become my vision so I could serve them successfully. That only happens through effective communication.
You want to date someone who knows how to hear God’s voice and someone who will value your voice and listen.
