The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.
A relationship will only be as healthy as the people that are in it. If you are healthy within yourself, you will bring healthiness to a relationship. If you are toxic, toxicity is what you will bring into a relationship.
Most people struggle with feelings of inferiority and self-hatred. They don't like themselves and don't know how to relate to themselves. They look to things and other people to validate their value and self-worth. This is not good because people change. Not only do people change but circumstances change that can cause an emotional rollercoaster. God is always the same so you don't have to worry about going up, down, and all around relating to Him.
Just because you are a sociable person doesn’t mean you are relatable.
In social circles, people don’t see the behind-the-scenes you. They don’t see the uncut version of you. But when you enter a relationship, that’s when those things begin to show. Who you really are begins to surface. What surfaces will tell the story whether you are relatable or not.
Growing up we are taught how to be sociable. In a family setting, you learn social skills with siblings. In a school setting, you learn social skills with classmates. You learn how to get along with others and work with others. You learn how to be respectful to others.
Those skills are needed and great to learn, however,
there’s no specific teaching on being relatable in a relationship.
Most people, like myself, you learn through trial and error.
Thank God, for His redemptive plan for humanity. Part of our redemption package is healthy relationships. We all can be relatable and have healthy relationships as God originally designed.
Your first relational responsibility is to have a relationship with God.
Before Adam came into relation with another humanoid, he first related to God. God is personal and He wants a personal relationship with you. If you are listening and you don’t have one with Him, I encourage you to start today. Make your relationship with God your first priority.
As you relate to God you will come to know for yourself that you are a son. Galatians 4:7 AMP reads, “Therefore you are no longer a slave (bond-sercant), but a son…”
As you relate to God you will come to know for yourself that you are loved as a son. Ephesians 1:6 says in TPT, “for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us. God loves us, period! As you relate to God you will come to know your rights as a son. Galatians 3:26 says in TPT, “And since you’ve been united to Jesus the Messiah, you are now Abraham’s “child” and inherit all the promises of the kingdom realm.”
Last but not least, as you relate to God, you will come to know that you are adopted and not abandoned. Jesus says in John 14:18 in NLT, “No, I will not abandon you as orphans…”
This is so important. Because of abandonment, many people exhibit orphan behavior, hence we have the orphan spirit. Operating out of an orphan spirit will affect your relationship with God and as a result, it will affect your relationship with others.
You can’t have healthy, quality relationships operating out of an orphan spirit.
A person with an orphan spirit will self-sabotage their relationship because of their self-worth struggles.
People with an orphan spirit have a hard time maintaining healthy relationships.
We should be operating out of a spirit of adoption according to Romans 8:15-17. As you relate to God, you learn to relate to yourself. You will become self-confident, having a positive self-image. Your self-image will be based on your relationship with God and being valued by Him and Him alone.
You will see yourself as someone who is loved and valued by God. You will know that you are accepted by Him. God said that He would never leave or forsake you. You don’t have to worry about God turning on you or airing your dirty laundry. You can share your innermost secrets with Him without worry of them being leaked out.
Adam knew how to relate to himself because he first related with God, his creator. And it didn’t stop there. He also knew how to relate to Eve. His relationship with Eve, flowed from his relationship with God and the relationship he had with himself.
If you don't know how to relate to yourself, how do you expect for someone else to know how to relate to you?
If you don’t love you, how do you expect someone else to love you?
If you don’t like you, how do you expect someone else to like you?
You can’t expect someone to like you and you don’t even like you.
That’s not healthy for you and it’s definitely not healthy for a relationship.
What makes one ready to be relatable?
A person is really ready to relate when they have become spiritually and emotionally mature and they are operating out of spirit of adoption.
It's not until you have come to know who you are and have accepted it, that you are ready to relate.
You treat yourself kindly.
You handle yourself with much care.
You are confident in yourself and who God created you to be.
Before a person jumps to relate with someone else, they need to first and foremost relate to God. Secondly, they should have a relationship with themselves.
You will only relate to someone else to the extent you relate to yourself.
So relate to God, relate to yourself, and relate to others. In that order!
