God created us to be triune beings, meaning we are made up of three parts; spirit soul and body.
You are a spirit, you have a soul and you live in a body. Your soul is made up of your mind, your will and your emotions. Your soul is where you have conversations with yourself. Your soul is the control tower. It's where your decisions are made. The soul is home to your desires and appetites. It’s where your personality and perceptions are housed.
This is important to note because perception and personality speaks to how you see yourself. It is from within your soul that you see yourself. If your soul is carrying rejection, you will see yourself with eyes of rejection.
A rejected mindset and mentality will ruin a relationship.
We all have had things happen to us from childhood and from past relationships that affected our soul. Many people have unprocessed pains and unhealed wounds residing in their soul, which creates soul holes.
This was something I had to confront in my own life because I had a bad habit of shutting down when things bothered me. I would internalize it instead of verbalizing it. I learned that that wasn’t healthy because you can’t heal in silence. You don’t want to suppress your soul, you want to express it so you can heal. It is possible to release emotions and feelings in a healthy way.
Through my journey of healing and deliverance, I realized there were holes of bitterness and anger in my soul from things that I never expressed. By harboring the hurt, it turned into bitterness and anger but I didn’t know it because I suppressed it, unconsciously, with other thoughts and activities. I thought I was doing something by ignoring it, thinking that it would die out.
But soul wounds don’t die, they just multiply.
They will surface at some point, especially in a relationship.
Whatever you suppress in your soul, will manifest in your relationship with others. It will come in your tone, it will come out in your attitude, it will act out in your behavior, and it will show up in your character.
This seems to be a common thing among many people. They mask and suppress their soul issues. Yet, many of these same people say they are single and ready to mingle!
But really they are not single because they are not whole. I defined in another episode what it meant to be single. Singleness is wholeness.
Their soul is not whole, their soul is suppressed.
It’s suppressed with brokenness from past relationships and rooted childhood wounds that haven’t been dealt with. You have to deal with the holes in your soul so you can relate to others in a healthy way. A wounded soul can be hidden, especially these days where people are so focused on a nice physique. There's nothing wrong with that, you should care for your body.
But what good is having a slaying body and your soul is decaying.
This is very vital because it's one of the root causes of unhealthy relationships. People mistakenly think that they can “fix” others. Then you have those who mistakenly look to others to “fix” them.
It’s up to you to do the workout to gain and maintain emotional health. The bible says in Philippians 2:12 to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. This tells us two things.
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This is not something that God will do because it says YOU do it.
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The soul will not heal itself.
We know Paul wasn’t referring to our spirits in that verse of scripture because Jesus took care of that on the cross.
The born-again experience applies to our spirit, not our soul.
He wasn’t referring to our bodies because Paul informs us of a new body that we will receive when Jesus returns. You can read that in 1 Corinthians chapter 10. So that leaves only one option, the soul! Marriage is the joining and uniting of two souls. If those souls are suppressed with brokenness, unhealed wounds and unhealed perspectives, the relationship will be full of baggage and not blessings.
Deal with the holes in your soul before dating. If you are already dating, make it a priority to seal any holes in your soul. Go through the process and make it your- self-project. Find a safe place to decompress and express your emotions and feelings so your soul can be made whole!
True success is not based on externals.
What lies beneath your soul is what makes true success.
