Why Do I Get Married?

There’s a play and a movie that I’m sure we have all seen called,  “Why did I get married?” It was produced and directed by Tyler Perry. A few years later, a sequel, “Why Did I Get Married Too?” came out.  

The movie is about the difficulties of four married couples and their difficulties of maintaining a solid relationship in modern society. The plot centers around the couples meeting up in a house in the mountains for a week-long retreat. While there the goal was to work out their marital problems and talk about why they decided to get married. 

I believe the couples in the movie had some regrets about getting married. Each couple had their own different issues and I believe were the reasons for their regrets. That’s why I need you to stay tuned into the podcast so you won’t have any regrets in your relationship.

God didn’t redeem us for us to be living and doing life in regret.

He didn’t redeem us to be relationally regretful.

 Society has made marriage a bad thing as if it's not a good idea to get married. First of all, let me say this. Marriage is not a man-made institution. God instituted marriage. 

The bible says in James 1:17 that every good and perfect gift comes from above. Everything God creates is good. Not only is it good, He put His own stamp of goodness on it. In the beginning, after everything He created on that particular day, He looked over His creation and said that it was good. 

It doesn't matter what society says, God is good. Everything about Him is good and everything He does is good. He doesn't need a vote or an opinion. Other people's thoughts and ideas don’t matter. He said what He said, it’s good!

Therefore, since marriage is God’s thing, it is a good thing to do.

If it's God, it’s good!

One time I was talking to a co-worker and she was telling me about her and her boyfriend. They had been together for a few years, if I remember correctly, and they lived together. So I asked her when they were gonna get married? She responded with, “why get married? Everything is working fine.” I responded by saying, “to make peace with God.” She didn’t respond but by the look on her face I can tell it gave her something to think about. 

Now, let me be clear. I was led by Holy Spirit to speak that truth to her based on her situation. So I’m not saying every person who is in a relationship should run and get married. However, if you are shacking and sexing…either come out of sin shacking and sexing or get married. Paul said it like this in 1 Corinthians 7:9 KJV, “Its better to marry than to burn with desire.” 

So the question of the day is “Why do I get married?”

I’m going to give you healthy and unhealthy reasons on why to get married so you won’t be in a movie or online somewhere talking about, why did I get married? You ready!?!

 Let’s go! I’ll start with the unhealthy reasons first.

1. An escape route from an unhappy home. I know someone who shared their story with me about why she got married. She grew up in a house with a strict father. She started dating this guy that she met and she said once he told her that he loved her, that was it. She saw him as her ticket to get out of her father’s home so she married the guy. They didn’t stay married very long but she admittedly said she didn’t marry him because she loved him, it was an escape route for her. So this is a real thing.

2. Poor self-image. Some people get married thinking it will affirm who they are and give them meaning. Your identity in Christ is the cure for an identity crisis, not marriage. Marriage will actually magnify your self-image, flaws and all.  

3. Fear. Some people marry out of fear. Fear that they are running out of time as if there’s a timestamp on when you have to get married. People fear being alone so they settle for an unsuitable mate.  

4. Sex. Marrying for sex is not safe because after the sex, then what? It’s more to marriage than having a sex partner. A guy mentioned to me one time that he had to get married because he like having sex. I told him, well its going to take more than sex to maintain a healthy marriage. 

5. Pregnancy. This is a big one, especially in religious circles. Growing up in a baptist church, I saw how people were pressured into getting married because the female got pregnant. Pregnancy does not indicate that love and commitment exists between two people. Thus, should not be the basis for marriage. 

Now I’m going to give you some healthy reasons on why you should get married. Now, these reasons are not single sourced reasons. Meaning one reason alone shouldn’t be the only reason for your “Why.” They are combined reasons that should be considered when answering your “why do I get married” question. 

1. It’s God’s will. God instituted marriage. Everything He creates, He blesses. The bible says in Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honorable. It’s a natural picture of a spiritual union between Christ and His Church. 

2. Express your unconditional love for another person. Having a desire to esteem and express love that is not shown toward no other person. The Greeks have 4 concepts of love, in which 3 I call human love and the fourth, agape, is divine love that comes from God. Agape is the basis for all the other 3. 1 John 4:16 tells us that God is love. 

3. Companionship. We all have a need for community and connection. God built us with a need for intimacy and companionship. Within the context of marriage, close companionship is rich and rewarding. The bible says in Genesis 2: the two shall become one flesh. 

4. Share your world with another person. Having a soul and ministry mate multiplies joy and laughter and makes life easier. The bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9 that two are better than one. 

5. To partner potential, support and enhance each other. Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV says, though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. We all have physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. Having an accountability partner with whom you can work and worship together, pray together, meet each other's needs, encourage each other, defend one another, and challenge and comfort one another within a safe environment is healthy. 

These are just some unhealthy and healthy reasons, I’m sure there are more.

A good way to distinguish between a healthy reason or an unhealthy one

is whether the reason is self-centered or self-giving.